How to Get Instafamous: Be All the Bilzerian You Can Be

Never underestimate how stupid the mob is. Picture a sheep wanting to become famous on Instagram; is that ewe? Do you long to ram yourself into the digital memory of as many members of your flock as possible? Do you #love very #cute #instagood images of #kittens and other #feelgood stuff? Do you wrestle with issues of ego over id, and aspire to a NSFW lifestyle? Is getting famous your sole goal in life? Personal marketing in the twenty first century is de riguour, it seems. Instafamous is the new measuring stick, but don’t beat yourself over the head with it.

How to Get Instafamous: Be All the Bilzerian You Can Be

“It’s not just what you sell. It’s how you sell it”, according to someone called Dharmesh Shah. Inspiration is the mantra of the modern era, in his mind. It is shortcut heaven, where you can become famous for playing poker and, generally, playing with yourself. Social media is like a permanent stay in the supermarket checkout aisle, confronted by all those celebrity porn magazines. There are those that aspire to this kind of infamy and those that wish to escape from it, having already achieved it. Keep your private life on lockdown to avoid the glare of prying eyes and salacious appetites.

Remember those sheep on the mountain side, where the grass is always greener…on the other side. Are you a bah, bah, bah…barbarian or a true Hellene in every sense? Be generous in your outlook and behaviour. Give out lots of free gifts, whenever you can, but not crap, make your Troy horses worthy of your time and energy. Open your world to the camera-eyes of the globe. Present yourself to their view with all the verve you can muster.

The dilemma is not, just, how to get Instafamous, it is how to stop it once you have got there. Wear famous brands, like No Logo. Demand that multinational corporations like Nike, Apple and Google pay their fair share of tax on offshore earnings. Race a horse in the Melbourne Cup and call it “Ban Gambling”. Share photos of yourself with scantily dressed kittens. Always smile, even, when attending funerals and wakes. Smile, #smile, and smile some more. Eat more lamb, even, if you are a vegetarian. Wear Ugg boots in summer, but not much else. Trust in following the flock, wherever it leads. Be yourself!